My Shocking Monte Carlo Confession Page 8
I’d been a selfish bastard that night. She had been a virgin—it had been so obvious but I’d ignored all the evidence to absolve my own guilt. And she was right. What had come the day after, the devastating blow of Remy’s death, had been nothing more than a tragic accident.
I’d turned on her in my grief, accused and threatened her and sent her away—not just because I felt guilty about what we’d done, devastated by Remy’s death, but because I still wanted her too much. And as a result she’d been too scared to tell me I was a father. A part of me was still angry that, but for our chance meeting in Barcelona a week ago, I might never have discovered I had a son but much of that anger was now directed at myself.
According to the feedback I’d got from Etienne about her meeting with the legal team after I’d left them, she was not keen to accept any money from me for herself. And I considered that a problem. I didn’t just owe my son. I also owed her.
I dried myself, took off my wet shorts and tugged back on the rest of my clothing. After dumping the towel in the bin by the pool house, I picked up my shoes.
As I walked back through the gardens towards the house in the moonlight, my bare feet warmed by the sun-heated stone, a plan formed.
I wanted Belle to accept my support. But I knew how stubborn she was and how independent.
That said, I also still needed a reserve driver, and her credentials as a fuel-efficiency expert were exemplary. Galanti’s latest prototype was still in development and the R&D team was struggling to recruit engineers of her calibre.
Perhaps there was a way to satisfy both my personal responsibilities and my professional needs where Belle was concerned. But I could not risk getting close to her again until I could control the hunger.
As I walked through the silent house to my bedroom, and shucked my damp clothes to step into the shower, the heat that had pounded in my veins ever since that afternoon swelled and throbbed again...
I took the stubborn erection in hand, feeling like a teenage boy. Why could I not control this need?
I pumped my shaft in fast, efficient strokes, the steaming water cascading over my back. The orgasm ripped through me and I let out a muffled shout.
But as I stepped out of the shower and my heartbeat slowed I could feel the tension tightening the muscles at the base of my spine all over again as I imagined seeing Belle again tomorrow—and the heated negotiations that were likely to ensue.
Belle as a love-struck girl was a temptation I had been unable to ignore. Unfortunately, Belle as an independent woman was even more irresistible.
CHAPTER SIX
Belle
‘YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS? I can’t possibly accept.’ I stared at Alexi, concerned not just by the stubborn line of his lips but the traitorous leap in my heart.
Apparently I still yearned for his approval, despite everything that had happened in the last five years. But, what was even more disappointing, I was fairly sure it wasn’t just his approval I wanted. I’d spent all night unable to sleep in the luxury surroundings of the guest cottage, obsessing about our kiss.
‘Why not? I need a reserve driver and you would be an excellent addition to my development team.’
‘It’s too much money,’ I said. The sum he’d offered to pay me for my work was ridiculous—and I suspected had more to do with what he perceived to be his financial responsibilities to Cai than to me. I had already refused a similar financial settlement offer the day before.
‘Of course it’s not. Your expertise is unique—the only reason you believe it is too much is because that cheapskate Camaro is paying you too little.’
‘I can’t be a reserve driver—I’ve already told you that.’
‘I know you have, but you never gave me an answer as to why not. And don’t lie to me and tell me your dreams have changed. No one changes that much. Being a driver was as much your dream as Remy’s.’
‘Which is precisely why it’s not my dream any more,’ I said, forcing myself not to flinch at the probing intensity in that pure blue gaze. ‘Remy died pursuing his dream. I can’t afford to take that risk.’
‘The risk is minimal and you know it,’ he shot back. ‘Remy was never as talented as you are. He was too easily distracted, too confident and too addicted to the adrenaline rush of speed. If he had lived he would have learned to curtail those impulses, but you already have.’
The thrumming in my chest increased, my ribs tightening as the desire to defend Remy’s impulsive behaviour was combined with the realisation that I had won Alexi’s admiration at last, and it mattered, even though it shouldn’t.
‘I appreciate the compliment, Alexi, but I don’t want to drive professionally any more because I have a son.’
He blinked, clearly surprised by this line of argument, which had my ribs squeezing my lungs. He really was clueless about the responsibilities of parenthood.
‘Childcare will not be a problem. Anything you need will be made available,’ he said, still not getting it. ‘In fact, if you would just accept the financial package my legal team outlined yesterday you wouldn’t even need to consider the boy’s care a problem.’
‘I don’t consider Cai’s care a problem. But it’s not childcare that’s the issue.’
‘Then what is the issue?’ he demanded as he paced towards me, throwing up his arms in exasperation.
‘The issue is, I can’t and won’t risk my life to pursue a dream, however slight the risk, because that would mean leaving my child without the only parent he has.’
He stiffened as if I had slapped him. And I realised what I’d said. Cai didn’t have just one parent, he had two. But I held back the knee-jerk apology.
I still wasn’t prepared to drive professionally—Alexi was a total stranger to Cai and, even if he weren’t, I would never want to leave my child without a mother.
Alexi thrust his fingers through his hair and let out a deep sigh.
‘You’re right. I had not considered that. And I should have,’ he added. ‘I’ll find someone else for the reserve driver position.’
I stood and placed my fingers on his arm. ‘It’s okay, Alexi. This is all new to you, I get that,’ I said, trying to soothe the flicker of guilt.
His forearm tensed and something else, something hot and volatile, danced in his eyes.
I dropped my hand and tucked it into my pocket. Touching Alexi was not a good idea.
‘It’ll take a while for you to put Cai’s interests first. It’s an adjustment we all have to make when we become parents—and you’ve only effectively been a parent for a week.’
He nodded. His gaze still seared me. ‘This is true, but that’s not why I should have realised the implications of your decision.’
‘I don’t... I don’t understand,’ I said hesitantly, because he’d lost me, and the strange feeling of connection was only intensifying between us.
‘I know what it is to be without a mother. I should not wish that on any child. And especially not my own.’
The brutal pain in his eyes shocked me, before he had a chance to mask it, but not as much as the admission of vulnerability. When had Alexi ever been willing to share his pain with me? With anyone?
‘I still want you on my R&D team,’ he insisted. ‘The money is unchanged.’
‘I can’t... I’m under contract to Renzo. He’s been good to me, and Cai, and he’s a friend so I can’t just...’
‘Stop.’ He pressed his thumb to my bottom lip, the flare of something hot and possessive in his gaze shocking me into silence. ‘Renzo does not own you,’ he said. ‘And he’s not the boy’s father, I am.’
It was a low blow, one that he had used ruthlessly to dig into the knot of guilt cutting off my air supply. Suddenly he seemed more like a jealous lover staking a claim than an employer trying to lure talent away from a rival but, before I could voice my concern, he continued.
‘I still can’t accept. It seems like too much because it is. Be honest with me, Alexi, why are you really offering me this job—because you want me on your R&D team or because I refused the financial settlement your legal team offered me yesterday? And this is just a means to get me to take the money another way?’
I thought I had won the argument when his gaze dropped away, his stance wary and tense instead of possessive and domineering.
But, when he finally turned back to me, what I saw stunned me—not demand, or guilt, or even anger but brutal honesty.
‘Can it not be for both those reasons?’ he asked.
He walked back to me and touched my cheek. Even though I knew I shouldn’t, I couldn’t resist the urge to lean into the light caress. The wry smile that twisted his lips was both poignant and painful.
‘I wish to get to know my son, and I can’t do that if he lives miles away. The Galanti R&D department is based in Nice. I can buy you a villa there, pay for any staff you need and arrange to visit more frequently than I would be able to if you continued to live in London.’
I shifted my head back. Immediately the pang of regret echoed in my abdomen as his callused palm slipped away.
‘I can’t accept your charity,’ I said. ‘And I’m not sure upending Cai’s life and mine is the right way to prepare him for this relationship. It’s already going to be such a big change for him and...’
His finger touched my lips again, silencing my string of objections, some of which were genuine but some of which were borne of the same cowardice that had made me keep Cai’s birth a secret for so long. Alexi had always overwhelmed me, and moving back into his orbit scared me on a visceral level I did not want to admit. What if I couldn’t keep at bay the feelings I was scared I still had for him? Or the desire?
‘Shh...’ he murmured gently. His fingertip sent inappropriate shivers down my spine as he slid it across my mouth. ‘This is not charity, Belle. You have earned this opportunity. I want to develop the Galanti X to be the best car in Super League history and the key to that is fuel efficiency. To make those innovations, I need you. But this is not just about what is good for Galanti. It is also about what is good for you and your career development. You know as well as I do the Destiny team cannot offer you the resources of Galanti, or the infrastructure. If you want to be the best, you need to be employed by the best. And that’s me.’
The arrogance with which he made the comment was all Alexi, but I couldn’t deny that he was right. Galanti’s development centre in Nice was the best in the sport, by a long margin. Probably because the company had been at the top of motor racing ever since Alexi had taken over the reins of the operation from his father seven years ago.
I’d never considered working at Galanti because of my personal attachment to Alexi, but having that golden ring dangled in front of my nose made me realise that, while protecting myself and Cai from discovery, I had been hampering my own professional development.
Strike two to my cowardice!
I’d already gone as far as I could at Camaro—if Alexi was prepared to fund additional research....
‘But I also wish to support my son in any way I can,’ Alexi added.
My excitement at the new job opportunity hit a brick wall as Alexi mentioned Cai.
Yes, I wanted my son to have a chance to get to know his father, especially if Alexi was willing. But Cai’s whole life was based in London. That was where his friends were, his school, the teacher he adored whose class he was due to move into full time at the end of the summer. But, even as the excuses ran through my head, I knew they were just that... Excuses.
‘So, are we agreed?’ he asked, tilting my chin up. ‘You will take the job, and relocate to Nice, so I can get to know my son?’
My skin heated. Perhaps I was making a huge mistake, agreeing to take this job, this opportunity, agreeing to relocate—because it wasn’t just Alexi’s relationship with Cai that was super-complicated. But I knew I couldn’t object any longer. I owed this to my son, the chance to get to know his father properly. I also owed it to Alexi after robbing him of the first four years of his son’s life. And maybe I owed it to myself too. I’d worked so hard to have an opportunity like the one Alexi was offering me...
This didn’t have to be about me or him. I needed to be pragmatic now. As pragmatic as Alexi had always been.
Yes, we’d kissed, and it had been phenomenal, but I was an adult with adult responsibilities—and Alexi had not suggested that he wished to take our kiss any further. Thank goodness.
Controlling my heart, as well as my hormones, where he was concerned would not be easy, but then who said life had to be easy? The important thing was I knew the risks this time. I was going into this with my eyes open.
So I nodded. ‘Okay,’ I said. ‘I’ll take the job. And bring Cai to Nice. Thank you.’
‘Excellente...’ he whispered.
But then he hooked a lock of hair behind my ear—and I wondered if I had just bitten off a great deal more than I would ever be able to chew.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Belle
‘WOW, WOULD YOU look at this view? It’s breathtaking!’ Jessie swung open the doors leading onto an elegant balcony that wrapped around the front of our new home. Nice stretched out below us: the wide arc of the beach, the promenade and the warren of streets behind, like a series of treasures waiting to be explored.
‘Mummy, I can see boats and a pool!’ Cai shouted gleefully, putting his small hands on the marble balustrade and lurching up onto his tiptoes to get a better view. With the city several miles away, the villa was part of the built-up area between Nice and Villefranche-sur-Mer. Perched on the cliffs, it had an enviable parcel of private land split into terraced gardens that included an outdoor patio area, a small, shallow fenced-off pool complete with a water slide and a series of steps leading down from the pool to a narrow inlet below us.
‘And look, Mummy, a beach. Is that ours too?’
Probably.
‘I don’t know—we’ll have to ask Pierre,’ I said as I laid a hand on Cai’s shoulder. ‘Why don’t you find him and invite him to lunch?’
Alexi’s assistant had arranged everything over the past weeks and had been in constant contact. I’d tried to veto the more extravagant places he’d suggested, but when he’d driven us here from the airport he had explained to me that Alexi had insisted on purchasing this villa for us.
I’d been prepared to refuse Alexi’s extravagance—I wanted Cai to feel at home here. He wasn’t used to the kind of luxury Alexi took for granted. But as soon as Cai had seen this place—and his new bedroom, which came complete with racing-car wallpaper and a bed shaped like Galanti’s latest Super League prototype—I’d realised Alexi had completely outmanoeuvred me.
I wouldn’t be able to tear Cai away from here with dynamite.
But as Cai ran off through the house, shouting for Pierre like a wild thing, his excitement clear, I couldn’t resent his happiness. Especially as I knew my objections to living in this palace were not really to do with Cai’s reaction. Cai had always been adaptable and he loved to meet new people and see new places. He would thrive in this environment.
No, my objections were all my own, because this place felt as overwhelming as all the other sudden changes in my life.
I’d been introduced to Alexi’s R&D team a week before on a brief trip to France and was enthusiastic about starting my new job. I’d taken a month off after resigning my position at Camaro to settle myself and my son into our new home, but I’d already gone over the designs for the new prototype and had attended some runs at the test track. The work would be exciting, challenging and everything Alexi had said it would be in terms of my career development.
Jessie was a personal events chef, so she had arranged to take a break between contracts to join us in Nice for the summer and help ease Cai into his new childcare situation when I started my job. I couldn’t have been more grateful for her presence now as she walked towards me and gave me a brief hug.
‘Is it just me, or are you totally blown away by the grandeur of this place?’ she said, grinning.
‘It’s not just you,’ I said, but I couldn’t muster an answering grin.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘It’s too much,’ I replied.
‘I know what you mean.’ Jessie scanned the palatial front parlour, taking in the ornate plasterwork on the ceilings and the luxury furniture—that I wasn’t sure was going to survive Cai. I had to ensure he didn’t bring his felt tip pens in here, ever.
‘I’ve never lived somewhere like this,’ she said.
‘Neither have I, which is why I suspect Alexi insisted on buying it,’ I said.
He hadn’t listened to me. In fact, he hadn’t even contacted me since the afternoon I’d agreed to relocate. ‘It feels like a show of strength.’
And the irony was, he didn’t need to do that. I already knew how rich and powerful he was, but until this moment I had not considered how much I had put myself at his mercy by not just agreeing to this move, but also taking the job. It was a real job, with real prospects, and Alexi and I would not be working too closely together from what I could gather. But why hadn’t I even considered the implications of becoming his employee—of making him my boss?
‘Perhaps,’ Jessie said. But her smile didn’t die, it simply became thoughtful. ‘Or perhaps he’s trying to impress you and Cai.’
‘I don’t think so,’ I said. ‘He hasn’t even been in touch about meeting Cai since we agreed to come here.’ Which I could admit now was what scared me the most. Had this ever been about establishing a relationship with his son? Or was it all some kind of power play, to let me know who was in charge? Because I felt as powerless now as I had five years ago. And I didn’t like it.