My Shocking Monte Carlo Confession (Mills & Boon Modern) Page 12

  ‘But now we must talk of the other elephant in the room,’ Alexi said.

  He cupped my cheek and the buzz in my stomach ignited all over again. His thumb trailed across my lips, lips still tender from his kiss.

  ‘What elephant?’ I asked, my voice husky enough to sandpaper one of the luxury yachts anchored in the bay.

  Alexi’s lips quirked into a sensual smile. And I knew he could hear the husky invitation in my voice too. ‘I still want you, Belle, and you want me. And I see no reason for us not to satisfy this burning hunger for each other while I learn how to be a father to our son.’

  ‘We...we can’t.’ I stepped back, desperate to break the spell he could so easily weave around me. His hand dropped away but I could still feel the warmth of his palm, the roughness of the callused skin against my cheek.

  ‘You said this before, but you didn’t give me an answer. Why can’t we?’ he asked. There was no aggression, only mild curiosity, as if he were dealing with a skittish mare who needed to be handled gently but firmly.

  ‘I did give you an answer. We can’t, because it would be too confusing for Cai.’

  ‘Why would it be confusing for him? We have already told him we’re friends. It is not as if we would be making love in front of him,’ he said.

  ‘He’s only just met you. I don’t think...’ I began, but he silenced me with a touch.

  ‘You must trust me, Belle. I will not neglect him. When I am with him, my focus will be on him. My relationship with him is not dependent on my relationship with you.’

  I already knew this to be true from his impassioned response a moment ago.

  ‘Okay, but I still think it’ll be too much having him know we’re a couple...’

  ‘Why will it?’ he persisted. ‘Surely you must have taken other men to your bed in the last four years? How did you explain them to our son?’ I heard the distinct edge in his voice but ignored it. How could he possibly be jealous when he was the one who had discarded me? And, anyway, there was nothing to be jealous of. I had never taken any other men to my bed.

  ‘I... I didn’t,’ I said. ‘I mean, Cai never met any of them,’ I added, hating the need to lie. But how could I tell Alexi he was the only man I had ever slept with when he was already behaving like a cave man? ‘I always kept my sex life separate from our home life, precisely so he wouldn’t get confused. I didn’t want him becoming attached to someone as a father figure who would not be a permanent part of my life.’

  ‘That does not apply here, though, does it?’ he said, and I suddenly realised my lie had allowed him neatly to outmanoeuvre me. ‘I am not a father figure—I am his father. I will always have an attachment to him, no matter whether we are sleeping together or not, so there’s no reason to keep our liaison a secret from him. Or for us not to pursue this hunger in the hours we have alone together.’

  ‘What—what hours?’ I said, stammering as he pressed his palm to my cheek again. I could not hide the shudder of reaction. ‘You’re a busy man, and I need to be focused on getting Cai settled here before I start a demanding new job in three weeks’ time...’ I was babbling now, his touch making my heartbeat race and my pulse sink deep into my sex as he stroked my cheek. His hand strayed to my neck, his thumb rubbing the thundering pulse in my collar bone.

  ‘I have cleared my schedule for the next few weeks—let’s see what happens,’ he murmured, before placing a possessive kiss on my lips.

  My breath shuddered out, my mouth opening to accept so much more, my surrender complete. But he drew back at the sound of Cai’s footsteps running back down the corridor.

  ‘I’m ready!’ Cai shouted as he appeared. But then he stopped and tilted his head to one side. ‘Mummy, your face is all red,’ he announced in the way children have of stating the obvious. ‘Why?’

  I pressed my hands to my cheeks, my face igniting even more at Alexi’s smile. His large hand settled on the small of my back, making me feel owned, before he pressed a kiss to my temple.

  ‘I just kissed your mummy,’ he said. ‘I hope you don’t mind,’ he added, asking my son’s permission in a way that made my heart squeeze painfully in my chest.

  ‘Yuck, I hate kissing,’ Cai replied. ‘It’s so boring.’

  I found myself choking out a laugh alongside Alexi’s deep chuckle.

  ‘You may change your mind about that when you’re older,’ Alexi announced, recovering his cool a lot quicker than I could. ‘But enough talk of boring stuff,’ he added, folding his son’s small hand in his. ‘Let’s go check out the new Galanti X.’

  Jessie appeared with Cai’s coat and a bag full of toys just in case he got bored during the trip, something I suspected was unlikely, as he stared at his father with something akin to hero worship in his eyes.

  As they made their way to the door, Jessie excused herself, neatly manoeuvring me into going with Alexi instead. A part of me still wanted to object, but Alexi sent me a look that clearly said he had no intention of letting me retreat behind my ‘it’s too confusing for Cai’ shell again.

  And I realised the only way to convince him I wasn’t running any more was to go with them both today.

  No man had ever staked a claim on me in front of my son.

  And, even if they had, I doubt they would have been able to do it in such a way that made Cai feel more secure instead of less so.

  The decision as to whether we took this ‘thing’ between us further was still mine. But I couldn’t use Cai as a cover any more. As well as not being an answer, avoidance was no longer an option.

  Alexi wouldn’t allow it to be an option. So I pulled on my big girl panties and took my son’s other hand as we made our way out of the house to Alexi’s car.

  Cai swung between us. As his sturdy little body lifted into the air, my heart swooped and swung with him, and my gaze met Alexi’s.

  This day would be a new experience for all three of us. We weren’t a family, but we were both Cai’s parents, and that was all that mattered today.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Alexi

  I BRAKED THE car in front of Belle and Cai’s villa as the sun dipped towards the horizon. Swinging my head round, I spotted Belle in the back seat, her head propped against the window, her eyes shut. Our son sat in the car seat beside her, his small head lolling to one side.

  A smile spread up my chest to my lips at the sight of them both fast asleep. It had been an exhausting day. But I had discovered several important lessons about being a father, or even simply being a friend to a four-year-old. Their energy seemed to operate on a scale of ten or zero—full-on or fast asleep—and there was no in between. The questions never ended and could be repeated on a loop. I’d answered everything, from what was my favourite animal to why I liked racing cars, not once but approximately four hundred times.

  The other thing I had discovered was that Belle was a magnificent mother. All her attention had been focused on the boy today, checking that he was okay, answering the questions I could not, directing him in everything from manners to personal safety with an ease that was always thoughtful, patient and never unkind.

  The car’s engine purred to a stop as I turned off the ignition.

  Belle’s eyelids fluttered open, the rich emerald instantly alert. ‘We’re here. I’m sorry. I must have drifted off,’ she murmured, her voice thick with sleep. Would she sound like that when she awoke in the morning? The pheromones that were never silent buzzed back to life. I ignored them, as I had done all day.

  ‘It’s been a tiring day,’ I said.

  ‘It must have been a baptism of fire for you,’ she said, sending me a rare unguarded smile. My heart skipped at the thought of how much I had missed that smile. I’d seen it several times today whenever Cai had done something funny, silly or simply enthusiastic—and every time it had had the same effect on my heart rate—but this was the first time it had been directed
at me.

  ‘Cai’s pretty full-on,’ she added. ‘Especially when he’s excited. But you were wonderful with him. I hope you know he hero worships you now?’

  Her praise was as genuine and unguarded as her smile.

  ‘I’m sure it’s normal for any active four-year-old,’ I murmured, at least one thing I could now say with some authority.

  ‘Thank you,’ she said, then stretched her arms up in a yawn. It made her T-shirt stretch over her full breasts. The spike of heat hit me hard. ‘For making today so fun for him...’ she finished.

  The spike of heat was followed by a spike of irritation.

  ‘I’m his father—why wouldn’t I?’ I asked.

  ‘Of course,’ she said, the guilt shadowing her eyes again.

  I wanted to snatch the words back. ‘Now it’s my turn to be sorry,’ I said.

  ‘Why?’ she asked, those mossy eyes widening. ‘You have every right to be angry with me for creating this situation.’

  ‘No, I don’t,’ I said firmly. ‘And, anyway, that’s not why I snapped at you.’

  ‘Why did you, then?’ she asked, with that artlessness which still confused me.

  I let my gaze roam down to her breasts and immediately felt the sexual tension snap between us before lifting my gaze. ‘Because being this close to you all day and not being able to touch you has been an exercise in frustration.’

  The blush flooded her face, reddening her pale skin and illuminating her freckles in the half-light from the setting sun. She chewed her lip. ‘Oh,’ she said in that husky tone of voice which told me I wasn’t the only one who had been frustrated.

  ‘But that is my cross to bear,’ I added, just in case she assumed I was blaming her for not being able to control my own libido. ‘Not yours.’

  I climbed out of the car and opened the passenger door on Cai’s side. As I unhooked the harness on his child seat, she appeared beside me. She was still flushed, but when she spoke she didn’t sound so wary, which I considered a good thing.

  ‘I can carry him,’ she said.

  ‘I would like to,’ I replied.

  She drew back and I could see she was torn, as she had been on occasion all through the day. Giving me a piece of our son’s care was hard for her, I realised. But I didn’t resent her reluctance any more. He was precious cargo, and she was only protecting him, like a mother bear. The last four years or so must have been hard for her. Caring for a child was not easy.

  ‘I swear I will not drop him,’ I added, forcing a smile to my lips.

  She smiled back. ‘I know.’

  As I lifted his slumbering body out of the car seat, a strange emotion washed over me. Protective, possessive but also filled with a strength of feeling I had never had before.

  I had picked him up a few times during the day—lifting him into the Galanti X model we had come to see at the test track, later at the restaurant we had gone to for lunch and at the beach, where he had run for hours, letting me chase him as he’d shrieked. But this time was somehow different, as he lifted tired arms around my neck and snuggled into my embrace. I held him against my chest as the feeling spread and felt the sting of something in my eyes...

  Could it be tears? Surely that was ludicrous? I never cried—even as a child, when my father had taken a belt to me, when my mother had left my brother and me, or as a man when I had stood over my brother’s grave...

  I could feel Belle’s eyes on me, so I gently shut the car door and swallowed down the rush of strange emotions. But I couldn’t seem to stop myself from folding my arms securely around the boy’s sturdy body and breathing in his childish scent of sweat, sea salt and the chocolate ice-cream that stained the front of his T-shirt.

  As we walked together into the house, Belle rushing to open the door in front of me, the boy’s head finally stirred. He lifted his eyes to mine as I stepped into their new home.

  ‘Hello, Mr Alexi,’ he said sleepily.

  ‘Hello,’ I replied, impossibly moved by the fact his arms only tightened around my neck. He wasn’t scared of me. He felt safe, secure. Even after only a day in my company, he trusted me. I swore to myself never to abuse that trust. ‘It’s just Alexi,’ I added, for about the fiftieth time that day.

  ‘You smell different to my mummy,’ he murmured.

  I let out a hoarse chuckle at the sleepy observation. ‘I know,’ I said as Belle directed me through the house towards the boy’s bedroom.

  ‘I like your smell,’ he said, then rested his head on my shoulder, his fingers threading into the short hairs on my neck, and dropped back to sleep.

  The simple statement had the rush of emotion surging through me so strongly, I had to lock my knees as Belle opened the door to his bedroom and turned on a night light beside his bed.

  I stood holding my son, our son, for a few moments as she pulled back the duvet, my hands cradling his body, feeling his breath against my neck and inhaling his sweet scent. I knew in that moment I never wanted to let him go even as I forced myself to place him on his bed.

  ‘Why don’t you go into the living room and pour yourself a drink?’ she whispered as she began to strip the sleeping child, her movements fast and efficient.

  I nodded and walked out of the room, trying to control the emotion in my chest that was making it hard for me to breathe.

  I walked through the living room and onto the balcony, and took a few steadying breathes of the sea air. But as I stared at the lights of Nice in the distance, just starting to illuminate the coastline, one devastating truth occurred to me. I would never again be able to dismiss the emotion this small boy stirred in me—because he was mine.

  What surprised me more, though, was the realisation that I did not want to.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Belle

  AFTER TUCKING CAI into bed, I made my way downstairs to the house’s large living area.

  Where was Jessie? I needed her here as a buffer.

  I had seen the rush of emotion on Alexi’s face as he’d held Cai so carefully, so gently, as if he were the most precious thing in the world.

  He had been wonderful with my son... I swallowed heavily...with our son all day. He’d answered all Cai’s questions, talking to him in a way that acknowledged he was a child while also acknowledging he was an individual. A difficult balancing act few people instinctively knew how to do. But Alexi did.

  Watching Alexi with Cai had brought back bittersweet yet beautiful memories of his close relationship with Remy.

  Alexi, underneath the caution, the control, the commanding personality, had always been a supportive and kind brother, and it seemed he would be exactly the same as a father.

  The joy of watching the two of them begin to form a bond—as they’d chatted about cars or had chased each other in a wild game of tag on the beach—had been intense at times, but it had also brought with it regret, confusion...and fear.

  I needed to be careful. Alexi’s relationship with his son did not change his relationship with me.

  But as I walked into the living room and glimpsed Alexi standing alone on the balcony, his pensive expression lit by the lights of the city and the gold of the sunset, I felt the reaction I had struggled to ignore all day ripple over my skin.

  The chemistry was still there and still unbearably intense—last night had not dimmed it in the slightest. That one searing look he had given me in the car had proved that beyond a doubt.

  ‘Would you like a drink?’ I asked.

  Alexi turned and shook his head.

  I trembled, blaming the breeze that drifted in from the balcony, even though the evening was warm.

  I should go and join him, talk to him, thank him again for the wonderful day he had given Cai...and myself. But I knew I couldn’t talk without babbling, and the balcony felt too intimate, my thoughts too volatile, to allow me to get that close to him. So I de
toured to the sideboard, planning to pour myself a drink. And spotted a note in Jessie’s handwriting propped on the dining table, addressed to me.

  I picked it up and flicked it open.

  Hey Cuz,

  I hope you and Alexi and Cai had a fabulous day together. I’ve decided to take a last-minute trip to Paris and finally see the City of Lights, like I’ve been promising myself for ever!

  I’ll make sure I’m back before you start work—just text me if you need me in the meantime.

  Alexi seems like a good guy—he’s also super-hot! I’m sure the last thing you need right now is your old maid cousin cramping your style.

  You can thank me later.

  Jess xx

  I screwed up the note with shaking hands.

  Oh, Jess, what have you done?

  My cousin wasn’t an old maid—she was younger than me, having taken me in when she was still in catering college. And she wouldn’t have cramped my style. If anything she would have been an important safety valve. One I desperately needed as I stole another glance at Alexi’s silhouette standing in the sunset looking proud, indomitable and... Yup, super-hot.

  My cousin had deserted me in my hour of need. In fact, she’d gone over to the dark side—encouraging rather than curtailing the madness that had overtaken my senses the night before. Unfortunately, the same madness was coursing through my veins once more.

  As I struggled to control the wave of excitement and need, the weird mix of panic and validation at Jessie’s desertion—and attempted to make a sensible decision about what to do without our chaperone in residence—Alexi turned, almost as if he’d sensed my struggle and decided to intervene.

  I could feel his gaze rake over me as it had in the car, igniting every inch of exposed skin.

  ‘Stop hiding, Belle, and come here,’ he said, his expression full of the same intensity I had seen on his face as he’d lifted Cai out of his car seat and held him close. But this time his expression wasn’t stunned—it was raw and turbulent.